Canny Balls of humor  

Friday, December 29, 2006

"Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?"
--Morpheus in THE MATRIX

Its been a long time since I had a dream...Well,when I am asleep.
And yesterday, I had this weird dream in which a cannibal takes me to his place and introduces me to his people. Thank Goodness, I woke up before they ate me for dinner.

But even after I woke up, pieces of my dream were still clinging on to my mind, which made me re-enter the blog world after months of hibernation.

*The following text is purely fictional.

1. The Luncheon

Tawa took me to his house. Two kids came running outside.

KID 1:YAYYY!! Papa has bought lunch! Yayy!!!...Papa...Is he a buffet lunch?"


I shouted at the top of my voice! I was frightened and my heart was about come out through my mouth. But I controlled it so that the kids don't have my heart for lunch!

TAAWA: "No kids, He is not our lunch!"

ME: "Whew!!"

KID 2: "See..I told you!, He is our dinner."


TAAWA: "Oh no....Kids, He is not our food. He is my friend!"

ME: "Whew!"

KiD 1 & 2: "Then..what do we have for lunch??"

TAAWA: "We'll order a small pizza."

ME (innocently): "But..Will a small pizza be enough for four of us?"

TAAWA: "Oh..cmon. The small pizza is for you. We'll eat the delivery boy. What say, Kids?"

KID 1: "YAYY!!! I'll go make the phone call."

KID 1: "Hello..A small pizza..thin crust..but a fat delivery boy. Thanks.."


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Words of wisdom  

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Sounds a li'l sensible. Doesn't it? I hope God visits my blog now. (:P)

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Thursday, August 03, 2006

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To the careless drivers..  

Thursday, July 13, 2006

"I believe we can end it. Tonight is not an accident. There are no accidents. I do not believe in chance." --Morpheus in THE MATRIX RELOADED

Went to a party, Mom
**Abridged version of an e-mail forward titled 'WENT TO A PARTY, MOM'
Thanks: Shraddha

"I went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom
So I had a sprite instead.
I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
That I didn't drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming, Mom
Something I expected least.

Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
The kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.

My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
This girl is going to die.

I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high,
! Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I'd still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom
I'm getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And I'm so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, "I love you, Mom!"
So I love you and good-bye."

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Rajini and the cannibal  

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

A cannibal from Nigeria came to India on a tour. One fine day, he watched the movie 'Arunachalam' starring Rajini. He loved the characters in the movie. He imagined how tasty they would be. Apart from tht, he also liked some of the scenes from the movie--

Arunachalam's Dad(to his son): Do you know why I am giving you so much money and asking you to spend all of it in 30 days? There is a story behind it....
When I was young, I was addicted to Cigars. I would smoke atleast 10 packets of cigars per day. On seeing this, my father asked me, "Kannaa! Do you like cigars so much?". "Yes", replied I. That night my dad took me inside a room. It was full of cigars. Virtually every nook and corner was filled with Cigars. "I want you to finish smoking all these cigars before tomorrow morning", said my dad and he locked the door from outside. Being an ambitious person, I took it as a challenge and smoked every one of those cigars, and I completed all the packets by morning. When I came out, I realised that I no longer had any passion for cigars. In fact I started to hate the smell of the smoke.
The movie ended and the cannibal enjoyed the rest of his holidays.

After 3 months...

The cannibal's friend met him at a vegetarian restaurant. He was totally surprised and asked , "You were a compulsive cannibal who loved ladies fingers and fingerchips in the literal sense; you used to cut red-heads instead of carrot heads. And now, what am I seeing? You're sitting in a vegetarian restaurant!!! Are you waiting for the waiter?"
The cannibal replied," No. I am a pure vegetarian now."
The friend couldn't believe this. He asked," Oh!! What did you do in these 3 months that converted you totally?".
The once-was-a-cannibal replied, "I worked at the cemetry as an undertaker."

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Saturday, July 01, 2006

"I've sinned. I am heartless.
Today, she came to me and pleaded for her son's life. She fell to my feet and asked me to forgive her son for what he did. But I didn't listen to her. I killed her son. I killed him--just like that!
There are people out there searching for me. But I know, they will never be able to find me. This small world I've built for myself..I can be anywhere in it. They won't find me. I have the power. I have the support.
Even today, there are hundreds of people who have entrusted everything on me. They believe that I can work wonders. Of course, there are people who don't believe; there are people who are doubtful; there are people who do not care if I exist or not. I feel a mild pain when I think of these people, but the pain disappears when I think about the eternal love the majority of the people have for me.
But now, I am beginning to feel guilty. Am I doing justice to the people who love me? I cause destruction in the cities directly or indirectly. I am responsible for the deaths of innumerable number of people in this world. I am responsible for the troubles they are undergoing. I am responsible for everything.
Is there any way out of this?
Oh my!! When humans are confused or troubled, they pray to me. When I am confused and troubled, to whom do I pray?"<

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Of borders & boundaries...  

Sunday, June 25, 2006

"I'm going to show them a world-- a world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries, a world where anything is possible."


At a mosque in Madras,
They called me a Hindu.
At Delhi,
They called me a Madrasi.
At China,
They called me an Indian.
At the US of A,
They called me an Asian.
At my death ceremony,
They announced, "You'll always be one of us!"


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Amour et Argent  

Friday, June 23, 2006

PyareLal and Aamir were in the midst of a heated argument.

" Nothing equals pure love. Love is the best thing that can ever happen to a person. You can't buy love with money."

" I won't accept that. Love is nothing without money. Try telling your loved ones that you're bankrupt. The next minute, you'll be alone."

" That only means it isn't true love. And I am talking about true love. The one who really loves you will not leave you at any cost."

" Really? Try living with your wife in a dirty shack for a week. You'll know."

" See..All i can say is...Money is nothing; absolutely nothing. If you have love, you don't need anything else."

" Humbug!! If you have money, you can get everything else."


There was a streak of lightning, and both of them were blinded for a second. When they opened their eyes, they saw a lady, as graceful as a flawless moon.

She came towards Pyarelal and asked, "I give you a choice between Love and Money. What do you want?"

Instantly came the reply, " Love, of course. I'll prove that Love is the only thing one ever needs."

"So be it!", she granted. Then she turned towards Aamir and asked, "What do you choose? Love or money?"

"Money! Lots and lots of it. I don't need anything else."

"So be it".

And in an instant, she was gone.

A month later..

Pyarelal and Aamir happened to meet each other. Each of them could see pain and remorse in the other's eyes.

Pyarelal asked," What happened? You look so pathetic. Didn't she give you lots of money?"

Aamir replied," Yes, she did. I got loads and loads of money. But I realised that without love, nothing is complete. My daughter estranged me. No one cared for me. As if these were not enough, I stopped loving food; I stopped loving everything. And the worst part is, I've stopped loving money itself. Now, whats the use of having so much money when you don't love it?"

Aamir continued, "Anyways, didn't you choose love? I thought you must be living a wonderful life."

Pyarelal nodded. "I did choose love. And now, I am in as pathetic a condition as you are. Since I chose love over money, I lost all my money. It didn't end with that. Do you know what happened? I started loving Money. But I cannot get any."


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VISA --The Key  

Thursday, June 01, 2006

It was 11 in the night. My cellphone buzzed. A message.

"Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya." Send this message to 20 people, and in 5 days, you will hear a good news."

I hate such messages, and I mercilessly delete them as soon as I see them. But that day, I didn't. I patiently forwarded it to 20 of my friends.

"Why did I do it? What is happening to me?", I wondered. But I already knew the answer--

It was the 27th of May, exactly 5 days before my Visa interview.

Such was the impact, the fear of Visa had on me. But now, its all over; and I understand that "Visa is nothing; absolutely nothing."

Today(June 1), now that I've got my Visa, dont expect me to forward any goodluck spam messages. I am not superstitious anymore:)

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Aawaaz De Kahiin Se'..  

Friday, April 07, 2006

My First Attempt at Audio Blogging...
Though I am really late to use this feature, I thought I would give it a try. So here goes..
'Ae Ajnabi' from DIL SE, sung by me in Karaoke mode.

Listen to it here.

Download it here
or here.


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Saturday, February 25, 2006


It is supposedly true that one questions the existence of God when misery strikes. This was the reason why Aslam was an atheist right from his childhood. Born in a very poor family, he was the eighth child to his parents. With little food and no education, he spent 20 years in the world as a tramp, doing all kinds of minor work for people in return for a piece of bread or a meager amount of money.

One day, as Aslam was staring at the clouds, his father called him. He informed him that Nawab, the writer had called for Aslam. Aslam knew what Nawab wanted. Once in a while, the writer would ask Aslam to get dinner for him from a restaurant in the city, which he believed was the only one that made clean food.

As Aslam bought the dinner and went inside Nawab's house, he saw the writer kneeling down and praying. “Why wouldn't he? He is happy in his life. So he believes in God", thought Aslam. “If only my parents had sent me to school, I would have been a writer today (a perfectionist like him), and as happy as he is."

Nawab finished his prayer and opened his eyes to see Aslam at his side. "Were you praying along with me, son?” he asked.

"I don't believe in God. In fact, I never have. If we are the children of God, it is his duty to keep us happy. And if he doesn't, I can very well conclude that Man is not God's creation. Rather, God is man's creation--in order to explain the unexplained.", replied Aslam. "I don't mean to offend you, sir. You are happy in your life. So, you are not ready to wake up to the truth that there is no God. Goodbye, sir.” Saying this, he walked out of the house without even waiting for his money.

Nawab was stunned by Aslam's words. "Eternal sorrow surely makes a thinker out of every man", he said to himself. "But that boy easily went off saying that I am a happy man. But am I?"

As he looked around his house, which was very clean, with all his things arranged in an unbelievably symmetrical fashion, he was once again taken in by the thoughts of his misery. This was one of the many reasons why his wife left him. She was intensely irritated by the manner in which Nawab would walk with her, avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk. There were numerous occasions on which there were incessant quarrels between them-- about his inability to discard useless items; his unusually long hours in the bathroom waiting for the soap to dry before he came out; his hesitance to respond to her touch, saying she was not clean; and much more. Then one morning, she packed up her things and left the house. Nawab could not even open the front door to go after her since he feared that the door handle would be contaminated (his wife had touched it only a few moments ago). Such was the severity of his Obsessive compulsive disorder. As he went outside deep in thought, he saw his neighbor’s son, Kunal, walking on the street, singing happily. "If only I were born to someone else, I wouldn't have had this horrible disorder and I would have been as happy as that boy”, Nawab muttered.

"Kunal! Where have you been? Your father was anxious", shouted a servant.

"Oh, no!!” sighed Kunal. As he entered his house, Kunal heard his father talking to someone on the phone. He did not know who he was talking to, but he heard these words- “I am sorry; Kunal has gone to his aunt's place. I don’t think he'd be able to join you on the tour."

As he saw Kunal coming, his father ended the call and asked him, "Where have you been, son?”

"Whom were you talking to, Dad?", snapped Kunal.

“Answer my question, you mannerless rascal! Have you been partying again?"

“You still haven't answered MY question, Dad. Have you been sabotaging my outing again?”

Saying this, Kunal rushed in to his room and bolted. A few minutes later, his servant knocked at the door. When Kunal opened the door looking at him questioningly, the servant said," Kunal, here's the bottle. Your dad wants you to fill it."

Kunal was expecting this. "Okay, Ramu, Come back after an hour and collect it", he told the servant.

It was before an year, when Kunal had just begun partying at nights. Though his father couldn't stop him from doing so, he hated the idea of his son partying late at nights. He was afraid that his son would get exposed to drugs and alcohol. When he was of Kunal’s age, he had got used to drugs and drinks at late-night parties. This was why he believed that his son would get exposed to them, too. Hence, every night when Kunal returned after a party, his father asked him to fill up a bottle with Kunal’s urine, which he'd check with his family doctor for the presence of drugs and alcohol.

As days went by, Kunal was really irritated by this strange action of his dad, that one day he decided to do drugs and liquor. Though he was aware he would spoil his own life by doing that, he felt that this was the only way he could punish his father. And now, there he was-- an alcoholic and a drug addict.

Kunal's thoughts were disturbed by the sound of someone shouting. He knew who it was. He went out to the window. It was Aslam, standing with a bottle in his hand.

“I hope no one noticed you. But what took you so long?” Kunal asked.

“I had just emptied when you sent for me. So, I had to wait.” replied Aslam.

“Oh! Stop it. Thanks for the help, anyway. Get your money later."

"Okay Sahib", Aslam said, and went back.

After a transfer of the fluid to the other bottle, Kunal called out for his servant and gave the bottle to him. "Give it to dad. And tell him that I am as clean as ever.” he said and bolted the door again. He was hoping his dad didn't watch the movie from which Kunal lifted the idea.

Now, a thought came to his mind.” How strange! When I was clean, my parents thought I was bad. And now when they have made me bad, they'll think I am clean. I hate this kind of life. If only my parents had more faith in me. If only I was as free as Aslam, I would have been a good man-- a very happy man."

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Doodle - The new IMvironment  

Thursday, January 26, 2006

At last, Yahoo msgr has released an IMvironment that actually DOES something, apart from decorating your IM window.

Doodle is the new IMvironment found in 'Yahoo messenger with voice'.(Dunno if its available with the previous versions).

What is unique about Doodle is that it has a MS-paint sort of a window, where you can draw, use different colours and 'write'.

I dont know if I am giving it a lot of hype, but I really loved it when my friend and I, separated by approx. 9000 miles, drew a pongal scenario simultaneously, on doodle. I drew the pot as my friend made the pongal..It was real fun.

In the U.S. this is the only way to make Pongal, the traditional style; because in U.S., Pongavechenna Fire department will come for lunch.!!!

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Friday, January 13, 2006

Bryan Adams is coming back to India after a gap of 4 years. He is performing at Mumbai and Bangalore.

@MMRDA Grounds, Bandra Kurla Complex, Mumbai on 4th Feb 2006 and @Palace Grounds, Bangalore on 5th Feb 2006. Tickets are on sale from 6th Jan 2006.

*On 4 Feb 2006 at MMRDA Grounds, Bandra Kurla Complex, Mumbai
*On 5 Feb 2006 at Palace grounds, Bangalore.

The tickets are already on sale..

For more details on the tickets, contact the following no.s

Feb 4 Mumbai MMRDA Grounds Bandra Kurla Complex Tickets
Jan 20, 2006 + 91 22 26493665

Feb 5 Bangalore Palace Grounds Tickets

Jan 20, 2006 + 91 80 25705858


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Thursday, January 12, 2006

From the heart..

I had posted this story on November 24, 2005. Since then, I've found many people searching for 'tirupur train blast' and ending up at my page. I also received a couple of mails asking me if I knew if it was a true story or fiction..and that if it was fiction, who wrote it?

I got the story as an E-mail forward from a friend. I posted it on my blog and never cared about anything else.. But when I found that hundreds of people are receiving the same forward even today, I felt I needed to find the answers.

These were the details I found out..

1. It is not a true story.

2. Here are some details about the author:
Ramsubramaniam Suraj is currently working as a Project Engineer in the Nortel Optical project Wipro. He loves writing fiction and has written a novel called Revolution and also a book of short stories called S1 - A train journey. Suraj is currently working on his next book called You and Me. Apart from writing, he is also passionate about debating and has won numerous accolades at the school level.

**However, I am not sure about the authencity of these details.

So, all you googlers searching for Shalini + Doctor + Tirupur + Train blast. you can sleep in peace now:)

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