The Maverick's Mind-Space

2. BOUNCING BACK

I was eating my first lunch with cannibals. And They were eating their first lunch with French fries! Apparently, the pizza delivery boy was a french man.

I was nibbling at my pizza. My hunger disappeared into thin air, just at the sight of them having their lunch! I started getting hiccups.

Kid1: Stop doing that. Have some water.

Me: Oh, I always have very little water.

Kid1: Well, Okay. But just stop making that noise.......WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Taawa: Oh no! What happened?

Kid1: I bit my finger accidentally.

Taawa: Oh dear! But hey, where is the rest of your finger?

Kid1: It tasted good. I thought it was the French meat, and I ate it!

Taawa: Ha ha ha!! Ha ha ha! You remind me of my childhood. He he!


Now I knew how Taawa lost his right arm!



Just then a young girl walked past us into the kitchen.

Taawa (to me): She is my daughter, Maali.

Maali came rushing outside. She was very angry.

Maali: I HATE MEN!!

Me: Oh Dear! You can't hate all men for what one person did. Tell me, Who did what to you?

Maali: !!!!

Taawa: Oh c'mon...Stop it. Maali, You can find yesterday's food in the fridge. Its a woman. Go heat it and eat it.

Me: !!!!

Maali (sees me): Wowww! He is hot! Who is he?

Taawa (with mischief in his eyes): Ha Ha Ha!! He is a desert !! Coz he is Hot, and he has very little water . Ha Ha Ha!!

Me: Ahem!! Taawa, That was a worser PJ than any of the ones this author has cracked so far!!

Kid2 (to Kid1): Did you hear that?

Kid1: Yeassss I did! I told you..... I told you he is not our lunch or dinner. He is our....

Kid1 & Kid2 : DESSERT!!!! YAYYYYYYYYY !!!!!

Kid1: A Hot dessert! Catch him!!

Taawa: Kids!! Stop it! I told you we're friends.

Maali: I am sure Friends are edible. Moreover he looks like The one with an awesome taste!! Slurp!! I Love Men!! I love friends!!

Me: Ouhh! Wait a minute. This is 'breadful' with a 'd' !! I was waiting for something to go off! But not so soon.

Maali: Woww!! I lovvv that! I want him for dessert. Catch him!!
.
.
.

What would have happened after this? I did the last thing I wanted to do.

I woke up.


----

"Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?"
--Morpheus in THE MATRIX




Its been a long time since I had a dream...Well,when I am asleep.
And yesterday, I had this weird dream in which a cannibal takes me to his place and introduces me to his people. Thank Goodness, I woke up before they ate me for dinner.

But even after I woke up, pieces of my dream were still clinging on to my mind, which made me re-enter the blog world after months of hibernation.
-Abinand

*The following text is purely fictional.




1. The Luncheon



Tawa took me to his house. Two kids came running outside.

KID 1:YAYYY!! Papa has bought lunch! Yayy!!!...Papa...Is he a buffet lunch?"

ME: "WHAAAAAT!!!"

I shouted at the top of my voice! I was frightened and my heart was about come out through my mouth. But I controlled it so that the kids don't have my heart for lunch!

TAAWA: "No kids, He is not our lunch!"

ME: "Whew!!"

KID 2: "See..I told you!, He is our dinner."

ME: "WHAAAAAT!!!!"

TAAWA: "Oh no....Kids, He is not our food. He is my friend!"

ME: "Whew!"

KiD 1 & 2: "Then..what do we have for lunch??"

TAAWA: "We'll order a small pizza."

ME (innocently): "But..Will a small pizza be enough for four of us?"

TAAWA: "Oh..cmon. The small pizza is for you. We'll eat the delivery boy. What say, Kids?"

KID 1: "YAYY!!! I'll go make the phone call."


KID 1: "Hello..A small pizza..thin crust..but a fat delivery boy. Thanks.."


TBC..

Sounds a li'l sensible. Doesn't it? I hope God visits my blog now. (:P)

A cannibal from Nigeria came to India on a tour. One fine day, he watched the movie 'Arunachalam' starring Rajini. He loved the characters in the movie. He imagined how tasty they would be. Apart from tht, he also liked some of the scenes from the movie--

After watching I, Robot, I wanted to know how it felt to have a chat with something with artificial intelligence. With so many expectations, I downloaded CHAT BOTS ranging from the classic Eliza to the not-so-famous Billy and Ultra-HAL. It was after a chat with all three of them did I realise that A.I. was nothing compared to the human brain. All three sounded stupid after a few minutes of conversation. Eliza irritated me with monotony. Ultra-HAL, though somewhat smart, became repetitive after a minute. But Billy was one little bot that amused me. Though it forgets that there's something called Grammar, I enjoyed the conversation I had with Billy, simply for its unintended humor.

The following is a transcript of my converstion with Billy:
######################################################
### BILLY 4.1: Transcript of September 23, 2005 at 12:39
### Bot BILLY talking to ABINAND
######################################################
BILLY> what is your name?
USER> abinand
BILLY> have i talked to you before?
USER> no
BILLY> where do you live? :)
ABINAND> india
BILLY> what's your favorite sport?
ABINAND> badminton
BILLY> what's your favorite book?
ABINAND> angels and demons.
BILLY> what's your favorite movie?
ABINAND> The Matrix.
BILLY> actually, my girlfriend has the matrix.
ABINAND> does she have the DVD?
BILLY> the matrix.
ABINAND> yeah. Thats what.
BILLY> does she have not dvd!
ABINAND> does she have the CD then?
BILLY> does she have not cd then,
ABINAND> what does she have then?
BILLY>
ABINAND> what does she have?
BILLY>
ABINAND> okay. Never mind.
BILLY> angels and demons.
ABINAND> that is my favorite book.
BILLY> when i was younger, i had your favorite.
ABINAND> but the book was released only a few years back.
BILLY> is your book broken?
ABINAND> no. It is torn.
BILLY> can you just be positive once. abinand? :)
ABINAND> okay..okay..It is brand new.
BILLY> hehe! must be abinand not book learning. :(
ABINAND> yeah. that is why it is brand new.
ABINAND> It was nice talking to you. Bye.
BILLY> leaving already? ok bye..

I read this article at Harris' blog. It was really good. So I wanted my readers to enjoy it too..

A man checked into a hotel at some far away village in Nairobi. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 16 May 2005

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!

Your loving Hubby

Many times we wonder, "Should this movie be this long? They could have shortened it". Even though some scenes are interesting, the main plot of the story is very small. Here, I've tried ultra-condensing some of the movies I recently watched.

* This doesnot mean that the movies are unnecessarily lengthy. It's just to get a feel of how they would be if they were very short.


Movie: FIRST BLOOD

Rambo escapes from jail and is in the cave.

Colonel Trautman (over the megafone): Rambo, Surrender!!

Rambo: No, I won't.

659832531 bullets later..

Colonel Trautman: Rambo, Surrender!!

Rambo: Yeah! Okay!

THE END



Movie: MEMENTO

Guy Pearce: "..and shoot him."
Before 15 mins ...
Guy Pearce: "..killed my wife.."
Before 15 mins...
Guy Pearce: "..to find the man who.."
Before 15 mins...
Guy Pearce: "I somehow have.."

THE END



Movie:THE VILLAGE

Villagers: Oh no! the creatures are unhappy!!

Adrien Brody stabs Jaquin Phoenix.Bryce wants to get him medicines.

Villagers: Oh no! The creatures are unhappy. You can't leave the village!!

Bryce's dad: Bryce, Keep this a secret. There are no monsters. Its actually the village elders in costume. You can go and get the medicines.

Audience : What!! The twist is unravelled so soon?
Audience : No! No! There must be a bigger twist. After all, its a Shyamalan movie.

Bryce goes to the town, buys medicine, comes back. The movie ends.

Audience: WHAT!!? Wher's the last-minute twist?

M.Night Shyamalan: Oh! HA HA! You were expecting a twist, right? And you got what you never expected-the bland ending! That's my twist. Isn't that great?

THE END



Movie: THE MATRIX

Morpheus: You are the One, Neo.
Neo: No, Iam not.

[FIGHT SEQUENCE]
Neo survives.

Oracle: You are the One.
Neo: No, Iam not.

[FIGHT SEQUENCE]
Neo survives.

Tank: He is the One.
Neo: No, Iam not.

[FIGHT SEQUENCE]
Neo "dies"

Trinity: Neo, Listen. The oracle told me i'd fall in love with the One. I've fallen in love with you. So, you must be the One.

Neo gets up and destroys Agent Smith.

Neo: Yeah! Iam the One.

Morpheus (To Trinity): Fool! Had you said this earlier, I would have saved myself a few kicks.
Neo (To Trinity): Fool! Had you said this earlier, I would have penetrated into Smith long before.
Audience (To Trinity): Fool! Had you said this earlier, the movie would have ended long ago.

THE END

Iam a novice to blogging, but during these 3 months of visiting others' blogs, I came across many types of blogs. A few of them are really peculiar. Here I've tried to simulate these peculiar types of blogs found on the net.

* These blog titles and the posts are figments of my imagination and it is not my intention to hurt the feelings of my fellow-bloggers.

Type-1

Blog title: GREEN GLASS OF KOFFEE
Sample post:
A couple of weeks ago, I went to my best-friend's wedding. She was dressed in a white gown and she was very beautiful. I had roses in my hands. I wanted to congratulate her. She looked at me. She was happy. Then she smiled. I too smiled back. It was really great. I was very happy. I recalled the days in the university. Those days were happy. but today, iam very happy. Yeaaaaah..IAM VERY HAPPY!!!!!

Type-2

Blog title: ADI AMMADI..ADI AATHAADI
Sample post:
NEWYEAR OFFER..1 YEAR FREE LODGING WITH FREE BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER
Very simple:
1.Dial 100
2.When our friendly operator picks up the phone, say 'YOU ARE A PIG'.
3.Wait for our officials to take u to our place.
4.ENJOY.

Comments:
1.Ha! ha! ha! How the hell r u able to come up with such ideas?
2. My god! U had me laughing for more than 5 minutes.
3. Eppidi da unakku indha ideallam thoanudhu?
4..
5.
.
.
.
n

Type-3:

Blog title:MI MENTE ME DICE.
Sample post:
Las cosas obtienen tierra virgen bonita en España. Hasta hoy, Iwas que no teniendo la menor idea acerca de los acontecimientos en mi país. Se despertó apenas hoy de mi profundo duerme. Las personas me dicen esa capital de España es Madrid y su moneda es Peseta. ¿Atroz.. lo que es el upto del gobierno? Ellos no tienen respeto para los ciudadanos.

abitheone: "This post is in Spanish. If you really want to know what it means, paste this text in www.freetranslation.com to get a rough translation."

Type-4:

Blog title:FOR YOU TO SLEEP ON
Sample post:
New offers. Whether you are suffering from back or neck pain or you just need to get a better night's sleep, the Di-Beddic™ and Soft-Beddic™ pressure sensitive memory foam mattresses may be just what the doctor ordered. Created by Dr. Rick Swartzburg, D.C., to help his patients suffering from all types of pain, the Tri-pedicÔ is the first three layer, pressure sensitive memory foam mattress with three different foam densities. We normally sell 4lb., 4.5lb. and 5lb. densities. Through listening to all of our customer feedback, we have learned that each density has it's own advantage.

Type-5:

Blog title:CARREY FAN'S ECHO
Sample post:
I think Jim Carrey is the best actor in the world. His performances in movies like Ace-ventura and Liar-liar are awesome. His facial expressions...Whoa..I've never seen anything so great like that. He is able to show every subtle emotion in his face. I just dont know why people abandon handsome guys like Jim Carrey and go ga-ga over idiotic people like Tom Cruise. And Iam very sure that if Jim had been cast in 'The Godfather' instead of Marlon Brando, the movie would be running to packed houses till date.

Many Indians leave to the United States of America every year. While some of them prefer being called 'Indians', others tend to transform into Americans. But to get completely transformed is virtually impossible according to me. At one point of time, you begin to realise that you are indeed an Indian.

You realise that you are still Indian when...

1. You can't see money in Dollars.You still convert the price of every item you see in the market into Rupees.

2. You are not able to figure out why 'to be dressed formally' means 'to wear a black tie', and you keep wondering how can wearing a tie along with a sports jacket make the dressing 'informal'.

3. You can't digest the fact that your American friends and their parents live in separate homes, and that they would have to get an appointment in order to have dinner with their parents.

4. You watch 'Nottinghill' and wonder why everyone in the theatre bursts into laughter when Hugh Grant utters 'Whoopsie Daisies'. Even after looking into the dictionary, you still don't feel like smiling, let alone laughing.

5. You are not happy with the custom that every other worker including the hairdresser, taxi driver and the parking valet expects a 15% tip. You recall the day when you tipped a hotel waiter a couple of coins and he gladly accepted it.

6. American English still refuses to come out of your pen. An accidental 'U' slips in when you write 'color', 'favor', or 'flavor'.

7. You somehow feel uncomfortable saying 'Good Morning, Professor Norah', and you think of the days when you were a small child running behind teachers and wishing them 'Good Maurning, Misss', with a stiff salute and with your tongue peeping out when you completed the last syllable.

Welcome aboard, my regular readers (?? I don't know who they are, but the no. of hits just keeps increasing that I assumed I have regular readers!!). Iam so busy preparing for my GRE that i couldn't think of anything new to post here.
So I present you this article written by me. It appeared in a magazine called Torq. Believe me, I didn't beg the editor of the mag to publish it. Thats just because I was the editor of the mag. :)
Read on...


When I was searching for a topic to write an article on for TORQ, I heard about this strange person. His name was Nitin, an Automobile engineer who was destined to speak in palindromes. The date of Nitin’s birth was 28.11.82, which is a palindrome in itself. His palindromic dad, Ramar, and palindromic mom, Saras, named their son Nitin. Everything in Nitin’s life was palindromic. His mother-tongue was Malayalam. He did his graduation in Anna University.
Having heard about him, I contacted him and told that I wanted to meet him. I challenged him that he would not be able to talk to me in palindromes for 10 times or more. The next day when I went to meet him, he was dozing on his sofa.
Here is the conversation:
(Nitin dozing)
I: Nitin! Nitin!
Nitin: Is it I? It is I.
I: Drowsy, eh? How about a cigar?
N: Cigar? Toss it in a can. It is so tragic.
I: Okay, Nitin. I’ll now show you a picture of a car. Identify the car.
(I show him the picture for a second and take it back)
N: Was it a car or a cat I saw?
I: Oh my! Okay, look at it again.
N: Hell! It’s a Toyota still, eh?
I: Have no doubts. Be sure of your answer.
N: A Toyota.
I: That’s right. But how did you identify it?
N: A Toyota’s a Toyota.
I: You had been to AutoFair 2004 recently, isn’t it? How did you feel?
N: I was sad; No Hondas saw I.
I: What is your opinion about the sales of Honda?
N: Must sell at tallest sum.
I: Did you see anything special at AutoFair?
N: Hey, yeh!
I: What was it?
N: Race car.
I: Amazing! You’ve won the challenge, Nitin. I accept defeat.
N: Now, sir, a war is won.
I: One last question, Nitin. How are you able to speak in palindromes so skillfully?
N: Because if I didn’t, I would sound something like this: “ Siht ekil gnihtemos dnuos dluow I